Michael's space

            Humans are like a length of rope: alone each strand is weak and easily broken, but bring them close together and they can bear a great weight.

In 1969, Bradburn reported that at least 25% of the U.S. population had felt intensely lonely during the previous 2 weeks. A quarter of a century later, the prevalence of loneliness, if not more widespread, reaches at least similar proportions.

(Rokach & Brock)

Often times it is hard to get the real number because people don’t want to admit that they are lonely “…the results of these studies suggest that companionship plays a more important and more varied role in sustaining emotional well-being than previous studies have acknowledged” (Rook). Loneliness’ persistent prevalence in society is a sign that the underlying issue is not being addressed. We live for love, and when we don’t have it, we fall prey to “the evils of society”. Without love, all will suffer.

            Life’s grievances weigh heaviest on those with no friends. “Study 1 analyzed data from a community survey and found that companionship had a main effect on psychological well-being and a buffering effect on minor life stress, whereas social support had only a buffering effect on major life stress” (Rook).  Some have friends, but not good friends. “...analysis indicated that a decrease in conflict and betrayal reported to characterize the participants' best friendship was associated with falls in victimization” (Boulton et al.). In a study of the causes of youth violence from the youths’ perspective: “Peer factors were identified most often and family factors least often as causes of violence” (Zimmerman et al.). The media often puts unneeded pressure on the public emphasizing the need of beauty and insisting that we don’t have it. We are often given unrealistic standards to live up to and are told that if we can’t live up to those standards, we are unacceptable.

            We often underestimate the power that love has over us. We aren’t aware of all the ways it can hurt us if we don’t have it.

Studies 2, 3, and 4 analyzed data from two college student samples and a different community survey to evaluate how companionship and social support contributed of relationship satisfaction and feelings of loneliness. The results of these studies indicated that companionship was the strongest predictor of these dimensions of social satisfaction.

(Rook)

Not only does this loneliness hurt us mentally and emotionally, it can shorten our life. “…models revealed that having fewer feelings of loneliness and greater feelings of mastery are directly associated with a reduced mortality risk when age, sex, chronic diseases, use of alcohol, smoking, self-rated health, and functional limitations are controlled for” (Penninx et al.).

            These damages weigh heavily on the individual, turning them towards methods to alleviate (or so they think) their pain. They turn towards drugs in an attempt to block out these feelings. Sometimes these damages are so severe, that the individual would rather take their own life than live with the pain. Less extreme but no less damaging is self-abuse. “…3,345 (3,032 girls, 313 boys) children and young people talked to ChildLine last year about [self-harming].” (Dow)

The number of children disclosing self-harm to ChildLine’s counsellors has increased steadily over the last ten years, dramatically increasing by around 65% in the last two years. It is important to remember that this figure does not necessarily equate to a rise in incidences of self-harm. There are many other possible contributing factors, such as increased recognition of the problem and self-diagnosis by young people, or better identification by ChildLine counselors... ...The total number of children counselled has increased by an average 5% per year, over a ten-year period. Where self-harm is the main concern the average increase per year is 23%.

(Dow)

Sometimes when an individual (adult or adolescent) has been abused, bullied, neglected, and/or alienated, they take it out on themselves.

Eighty per cent of these children talked about other problems in their lives. Forty per cent talked about tensions within their family – for example separation or divorce, or maltreatment - and14% said they were experiencing symptoms of depression or had other mental health problems. Twelve per cent of the children who called were being bullied at school. It can also be caused by tension within the family (such as a divorce or separation).”

(Dow)

Whether it be out of anger, depression, emotional pain, or emptiness, the victim begins to self-harm – intentionally hurting oneself in some way without the intent to commit suicide. “Self-harm is cutting, overdosing, or intention to injure without obvious intention to commit suicide” (Dow). The damage done by the effects of a deficit of love don’t stop at the individual experiencing it.

Loneliness has been inversely related to measures of self-esteem (Jones, Freeman, & Goswick, 1981) and has been demonstrated to be strongly associated with depression, anxiety, and interpersonal hostility ( Hansson, Jones, Carpenter, & Remondet, 1986) and with substance abuse, suicide, and vulnerability to health problems ( Jones et al., 1990).

(Rokach et al.)

As stated above, rather than (and sometimes in addition to) using drugs, the individual will take out their grief on others. “According to the National Education Association, 160,000 children skip school each day because of intimidation by their peers. The U.S. Department of Education reports that 77 percent of middle and high school students in small midwestern towns have been bullied” (Jerome, et al.). There are many instances where this has been observed. There have been countless school shootings as a result of people being rejected by their peers such as Columbine and Virginia Tech.

As for the targets of bullying, alienation runs like a stitch through most of our lives. A study last fall by the U.S. Secret Service found that in two-thirds of the 37 school shootings since 1974, the attackers felt “persecuted, bullied, threatened, attacked or injured.” In more than three-quarters of the cases, the attacker told a peer of his violent intentions. William Pollack, a clinical psychologist and author of Real Boys’ Voices, who contributed to the Secret Service study, said that several boys from Columbine described bullying as part of the school fabric. Two admitted to mocking Klebold and Harris. “Why don’t people get it that it drives you over the edge?” they told Pollack. “It isn’t just Columbine. It is everywhere.”

(Jerome, et al.)

When those at home and even more importantly those at school don’t accept groups of kids, bullies are made, and gangs are formed.

First, youth experience a sense of alienation and powerlessness because of a lack of traditional support structures, such as family and school. This can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, and a desire to obtain support outside of traditional institutions. Second, gang membership gives youth a sense of belonging and becomes a major source of identity for its members. In turn, gang membership affords youth a sense of power and control, and gang activities become an outlet for their anger.

(Burnett)

If we provide the love and understanding, they won’t go searching.

Target students vulnerable to gang recruitment for special assistance, particularly through the use of peer counselors and support groups. Mentoring, conflict resolution programs, and tutoring can be particularly effective. Establish moral and ethical education, values clarification, and conflict resolution as important components of the school curriculum. Create an inviting school climate where every student feels valued.

(Burnett)

            By bullying, mistreating, abusing, and rejecting others because of their differences rather embracing them, loving and accepting them, we create monsters. Rejected people can turn towards atrocities such as murder, suicide, or live a tortured life of lonely misery and aguish. People who feel they have no one who is there for them adopt gangs as their family. We must take to heart that we are all just as much a human as any other. That we are all just as deserving of love and understanding as any other. We must embrace and love each other unceasingly and without hesitation.

Works Cited

 

Boulton M.J., Trueman M., Chau C., Whitehand C., Amatya K.

Concurrent and longitudinal links between friendship and peer victimization: Implications for befriending interventions

(1999) Journal of Adolescence, 22 (4), pp. 461-466.

 

Burnett, Gary. (1999). Gangs in Schools. ERIC Digest [Online]. Available: http://ericweb.tc.columbia.edu/digests/dig99.html

 

Dow, P. (2004). "I feel like I'm invisible". Children talking to ChildLine about self harm(PDF). ChildLine. http://www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/selfharm.pdf

House, James S.
Social Isolation Kills, But How and Why?
Psychosom Med 2001 63: 273-274

Jerome, Richard; Arias, Ron; Boone, Mary; Comander, Lauren; Fowler, Joanne; Marrington, Maureen; Mazo, Ellen; Reno, Jamie; Sider, Don; Wescott, Gail Cameron                                                                                                                 Disarming the Rage(PDF). http://www.college.cengage.com/devenglish/brandon/writing_connections1/1e/students/paired_essays/disarming.pdf

Klonsky, E. David; Oltmanns, Thomas F.; Turkheimer, Eric
Deliberate Self-Harm in a Nonclinical Population: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates
Am J Psychiatry 2003 160: 1501-1508

Penninx, Brenda W. J. H.; Tilburg, Theo van; Kriegsman, Didi M.W.; Deeg, Dorly J.H.; Boeke, A. Joan P.; Eijk, Jacques Th. M. van                                                 Effects of Social Support and Personal Coping Resources on Mortality in Older Age: The Longitudinal Aging Study Amsterdam
Am. J. Epidemiol. 146: 510-519.

Rokach, A., & Brock, H. (May 1997). Loneliness and the effects of life changes. The Journal of Psychology, 131, n3. p.284(15).

Rook, KS (June 1987). Social support versus companionship: effects on life stress, loneliness, and evaluations by others. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, n6. p.1132(16).

Zimmerman, Marc A., Morrel-Samuels, Susan, Wong, Naima, Tarver, Darian, Rabiah, Deana, White, Sharrice

Guns, Gangs, and Gossip An Analysis of Student Essays on Youth Violence

The Journal of Early Adolescence 2004 24: 385-411

The Negative Effects of Disunity by Michael Kamyar Oskooie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Here I shall sit and brood
'till my true love my life my spiritual food,
turns unto me.
*grows silent then further still to a deep state of pensiveness*
How many times must this happen?
my heart can only be sewn back together so many times;
I am running out of thread.
Is she the one or am I the fool?
.....Must I be sweet and tender
words soft as fluff?.....
or is it harsh I need be,
real,
gruff?
Lord, if I only knew.....
You poor thing,
you’re tattered and worn,
neglected
abandoned
forgotten and forlorn....
“If only they knew” you say to me,
and I “If only you”
You think my life any less miserable than yours?
The insanity I live with seeping into my pores,
The family that doesn’t understand-
the WORLD that doesn’t understand....
just what it’s like to be me.
And still you say “if only they knew”,
and I turn my back,
and say coldly
“aye, and if only you".
For if you knew and I knew
we two
would sprint to each other together,
instead of just me to you.

-Michael Oskooie




"Broken Heart (Statement and Soliloquy)" by Michael Kamyar Oskooie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at hajimichael.spaces.live.com.

Looking up, he gazed at the towering figure before him
casting forth its shadow,
it stirs permeating every fiber of his being with fear.
He looks around, nothing.
nothing but emptiness;
and himself too, empty. “I am but a shell”
Suddenly there is a gust
“What is this? A surge of... of what?
there’s no air, no atmosphere in this vacuum of darkness. It–”
he falls silent.
[– it’s the sleeping giant. IT HAS AWOKEN!]
Rising to its feet the behemoth stands erect in its enormity,
it gazes forth, eyes penetrating, scanning, analyzing.
Everything bathes in the pensive stare of the colossus.
The goliath spoke but three words that stirred the cosmos:
“I am awake!!”

-Michael Oskooie May 04, 2008




"Consciousness" by Michael Kamyar Oskooie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at hajimichael.spaces.live.com.

This poem is an imagism poem that is about the transition from ignorance and submission to awareness and resisting what you know is not right.

I thought it would shut him up,
I thought that through fear, I could put an end to his insolence.
So took him and slammed him against the wall,
I sought out the throat
and I gripped it, gripped it and squeezed,
he went to his knees, I could feel his fear.
I saw things,
sudden flashes – memories not his, but my own,
memories of death – no, of dying,
of utter fear –
these things no man wants to ever know but can’t help coming across in their life.
at once I let go and he gasps, filling his deprived lungs with air.
I run, though not far, and drop.
looking at my hands I curse them,
looking at myself in disgust;
"what have I become?"
I cry rocking back and forth, “Please forgive me God!”
I had set out to break him… I broke myself.

Michael Oskooie May 1, 2008




Broken by Michael Kamyar Oskooie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at hajimichael.spaces.live.com.

This is a poem that describes an event. Almost 100% true (the seeing was more of a feeling than an actual vision). No, I have never been a very violent person; and, since this incident, have not been violent at all.

“No”? What?! Why?! “came on too strong”?
too strong, too strong, always too fucking strong!
Why must I hide my feelings?
Why is it that you all fear getting sooner that which you expect to have in the end?
you want me to play this stupid game of hard-to-get
I will not hide my love.
it is impossible to dilute it,
to administer it in small doses.
my soul mass produces it
Lust is something easily repressed;
but not being able to share exclusive affection quells my soul.
If you have feelings for me come out and say it, for I won't hide my feelings for you.

Michael Oskooie April 27, 2008



Games by Michael Kamyar Oskooie is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at hajimichael.spaces.live.com.

This poem is about rejection (my life).